


Ugly

by piineetrees



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Boyf, Depressed Michael, F/F, M/M, ahaha make them suffer, anyway, riends, suicide attempt sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-02-07 14:39:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12843333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piineetrees/pseuds/piineetrees
Summary: sometimes it is not what is said, but what is not said that hurts the mostidk if i should change the title to "the backpack in his closet"trust me the backpack is very important





	1. Michael

**Author's Note:**

> screams

Michael was walking to school with his best friend - and crush - Jeremy Heere, the tall, white, blue-eyed, bisexual who he had known since 7th grade. He had liked Jeremy for two years now, and still hadn’t worked up the courage to talk to him.  
Michael had a skin disease called “vitiligo”, and it caused him to have random white patches all over his body due to loss of pigment in places, and he worried that Jeremy thought he was ugly because of it.   
They were in High School, and it wasn’t exactly the best school. A few months ago, Jeremy took a supercomputer pill called a SQUIP, or Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor. The Squip tried to take over the school, but Michael and Jeremy had prevented it.   
“Hey Jer,” Michael said.  
“Yeah?” Jeremy turned his head to look at Michael.  
“Uh… I have something to ask you.” Michael looked at his feet.  
“W-what is it?”  
“Do you think my vitiligo makes me ugly?”  
Jeremy hesitated.  
The silence was more deafening than any noise would ever be.   
“N-no,” Jeremy replied. “Of course not.”  
They walked the rest of the way, not talking to each other.


	2. Jeremy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeet it change perspective

Jeremy walked in the front door of Middleborough High School, sneaking a glance at Michael Mell, the short, latin, black-haired boy walking next to him.   
Why did I just do that? Jeremy thought. He’s not even gay. As far as I know.  
Jeremy had liked Michael for two months now, and not just as a friend. His breakup with Christine, his other best friend, had brought him to realize that he liked Michael.   
“Oh! Crap! Michael, did you do the math homework?” Jeremy had just realized that he had forgotten to do it.  
“Of course not,” Michael answered. “It’s due on friday. It’s, like, only wednesday we have two whole days.”  
“Oh, i’m stupid.”   
“No you’re not?? Who fricking saved my life in 7th grade with that research project?”  
“That was 7th grade! That was the year we met!”  
“Whatever.”  
\-----------------------------  
Jeremy walked into his new homeroom, and upon seeing nobody he knew there, he sat in the back of the classroom. He was pretty early, but he hoped that nobody else would sit back there. He didn’t want to socialize. Then, obviously, someone walked in and sat next to him. New Boy had on a red sweatshirt that was about 4 sizes too big for him, and he was listening to music even though you aren’t supposed to do that after the first bell. Jeremy didn’t know what to say, so he just ignored New Boy, but (obviously, considering Jeremy’s luck) New Boy leaned over and asked his name.  
“O-oh! I’m Jeremy,” he was taken by surprise. “What’s your name?”  
“I’m Michael!”  
Then the bell rang and the teacher told everyone to settle down.  
\----------------------------


	3. Michael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hahaha angst please save me

Wow, Michael felt fucked up. He had for a while, and it was almost time to leave school. He didn’t know why, he just felt like he had a huge rock in the bottom of his stomach. Jeez, why was he such a mess? Michael didn’t know if he was depressed right now, he felt on the verge of a small depressive episode. He ignored it for now and got on the bus with Jeremy.  
\---------------------------  
“H-hey Jer.” Michael wondered how Jeremy was going to react to this. “Um, I’m gonna sound like I'm an attention whore but, um, I have something to tell you.”  
“Go ahead.”  
“Uh, so yesterday I found out I have depression. Y’know, like the mental illness?”  
Silence  
“Y-yeah um, that's okay? It’s normal, nothing to worry about. I-if you need help, just talk to me, okay Mikey?”  
“Yeah, okay.”  
\---------------------------  
Michael groaned. “Why is this level so hard, ugh, it can do without the huge boss at the end.”  
“Yeah, well dude it wouldn’t be fun without a challenge.”  
“You sound like an inspirational quote.”  
“Whatever.”  
“Furry”  
Jeremy rolled his eyes. Michael called him a furry so much that it was just a nickname by now, along with Jerbear and just Jer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry michael (also sorry guys for the awkward transition after the flashback?? oops) 
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> jer is a furry


	4. Jeremy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> writing group chats is fun also what is jennas name

SmolBisneksual: yo jake n me r dating now  
HeereAndQueer: rich how did u even ask jake out   
SmolBisneksual: idk i just asked,, why  
HeereAndQueer: uh i can't talk abt it here?? I'll talk at school  
HelpImLohst: wait what  
JennaLOL: yea spill   
HeereAndQueer: ack guys i'll tell you laTER  
Christiiiiineeee: wait jer are you planning on asking someone out??  
Jakey_D: wait whats goin on rich wouldnt get off his phone so now i'm here too  
JennaLOL: jeremys in love  
hoodieboi: jER WHO  
HeereAndQueer: ack why did i send this to the group chat nvm i'm not telling any of u  
ValentinesDay: i'm late arent i   
ValentinesDay: wait hold up our boi is in love   
HeereAndQueer: shshshh i'm not telling anybody jeez go away  
hoodieboi: dude i'm ur best fren tell meeeee  
HeereAndQueer: no   
SmolBisneksual: tell me at least  
HeereAndQueer: no i'm not telling any of you agh  
hoodieboi: rood


	5. Michael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is a really short bad chapter bc i needed to get beck to jeremy and i needed a filler chapter so uh

Shit. Jeremy was in love. With someone else. Michael didn’t actually know that for sure, but how could Jeremy love him? I'm fat, it’s physically impossible for me to brush my hair, I have stretch marks, i'm an emotional mess, and he doesn’t even know i’m gay.  
hoodieboi sent a message to “the two players plus rich”  
hoodieboi: jeremy who is it  
HeereAndQueer: seriously i cant tell you  
SmolBisneksual: dude cmon we’re your friends  
HeereAndQueer: no  
And Jeremy apparently didn’t even trust Michael enough to tell him who it was. Michael thought back to almost exactly a year ago, at Jake’s halloween party. Michael still sometimes felt like Jeremy didn’t want to be with him, like he was too cool for him. And when he hesitated before saying no when Michael asked him if he was ugly, Michael’s self esteem took a huge blow.

SmolBisneksual sent you a private message


	6. Jeremy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gay
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> also angst
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> micha why

Michael was sick that day. Or Jeremy just assumed he was sick. Michael never missed school for any other reason, and he never faked illness. He was a pretty good student. But Jeremy had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Is Michael okay? Why do I feel like this? Oh no oh no oh no.  
Jeremy asked Rich at lunch. “Hey dude, do you know where Michael is?” But he didn’t know.  
Jeremy asked Brooke in English. She didn’t know.  
Jeremy asked Jenna in Math. She didn’t know.  
Jeremy asked the entire SquipSquad, plus a few others, and nobody knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mICHAEL STOP WORRYING UR FRIENDS


	7. Michael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> please help me

SmolBisneksual: Michael, are you gay?  
hoodieboi: what?  
SmolBisneksual: It’s a straightforward question Micah.   
hoodieboi: haha STRAIGHTforward  
SmolBisneksual: seriously dude.  
hoodieboi: …  
hoodieboi: yes.  
SmolBisneksual: and do you like Jeremy?  
hoodieboi: no  
hoodieboi: ..  
hoodieboi: yes   
Michael stayed home from school again the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact i say ow when i hurt emotionally


	8. Jeremy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sHORT CHAPTER

Ow ow ow ow ow ow. Not physical ow. Emotional ow. Again, Michael wasn’t there. Jeremy was really worried about him, and he didn’t even know why. Michael had never missed a single day of school before this. So why now? He tried to talk to Rich (who was usually the one he went to to vent or just talk if Michael wasn’t around) about what he was feeling but Rich shrugged it off and said that he was just being silly. Ow.   
What the hell, why was Jeremy so obsessed with this boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst next chapter im sorry yiefwakshdl


	9. Michael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: self harm (the chapter kinda ends before he does it tho)

Oh god. Oh god. Jeremy had hesitated. Michael was laying in bed when he remembered a conversation from a few days ago. Jeremy had hesitated before saying Michael wasn't ugly. And now Michael had realised that. He stood up and went downstairs to get something to eat. He opened the fridge, but he didn’t take anything out and just stood there for 5 minutes, thinking. He eventually grabbed some soda and went back upstairs. He went on the group chat for a while, and scrolled upwards to see what people had been saying without him.  
HeereAndQueer: do y’all know where mikey is i'm kinda worried  
Jakey_D: sorry man no idea  
ValentinesDay: same here  
HelpImLohst: idk  
HeereAndQueer: ok sorry i'm just really worried  
Michael turned off his phone and walked over to his closet. He opened the door, and pulled out the knife in the backpack hanging in his closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe i should have named this fic "the backpack in his closet"
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> oh well i might change it later
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> nothing interesting is happening w/ jer rn ill let him accidentally confess to someone


	10. Jeremy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kms

“Rich, I’m gonna go to Michael’s house to check on him, do you wanna come? I’m really worried about him, so I wanna see if he’s sick or something.” Jeremy had no idea what to to about Michael’s absence.   
“Sure, I’ll come. I don’t know why you’re worried though. Everyone gets sick once in a while.”   
“Okay, but he’s never been sick before.”  
“I’m sure he’s fine.”


	11. Michael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fffuck

Michael heard the door open and quickly stuffed everything back into the backpack. He grabbed a cloth and tried to stop the bleeding. It didn’t work. He gave up and ran to get his hoodie. He put it on and hid in his bed.  
“Michael?” Jeremy’s voice came from downstairs. “Where are you?”  
Michael didn’t respond and tried to ignore him by burying himself in the blankets and covering his ears with a pillow. Even so, he heard two sets of footsteps coming up the stairs. He tried to stay as still as possible, but Jeremy and Rich found him anyway. Rich threw the blanket off his head.  
“Mikey, you don’t look sick, what happened?” Jeremy asked.  
“Nothing, I just, I needed a day to relax?”  
“Three days?”  
“U-um…”  
Jeremy grabbed Michael’s arm, and he flinched.  
“Michael, show me your arm.” Jeremy looked scared and he was tearing up.  
Michael’s heart skipped a beat. “U-um. I uh, I c-can’t, Jeremy.”  
“Michael.”  
Michael reluctantly rolled up his sleeve.  
“Oh, no no no no no,” Jeremy gasped, “I promised myself I wouldn’t let this happen again. Michael, how could you do this to yourself?”  
Michael started to tear up, and he wiped his eyes, but it didn’t help. He burst out crying.  
“N-no, Jeremy, it’s not your fault,” he sobbed. “I'm sorry, I just, it’s just, I hate all these s-stupid spots on my skin, and I wear a h-hoodie every day to cover them, and I-”  
Jeremy cut him off. “Michael, no. Your spots are not ugly. You don’t need to cover them up,” He wiped the tears off Michael’s cheeks. “You’re a handsome man and I love you, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’ll be okay.”  
Michael’s heart skipped a beat. Wait. He said he loves me. He can’t mean… No, what am I thinking? I’m an idiot.  
“I love you,” Jeremy said again.  
“W-what?”  
“What do you mean, what?”  
“You, uh, you…? Never mind, I just, sorry, sorry.”  
“Michael Mell, I just confessed my love for you, and you’re ignoring it.”  
Michael had absolutely no idea what to say. “Fuck. Uh. Yes.”  
“What do you mean, yes?”  
“Yes I will be your boyfriend, oh my god, I cannot tell you how long i’ve been waiting for this, Jeremy oh my god, fuck.”  
Jeremy laughed a bit. “How long?”  
“ELEVEN FUCKING YEARS, JEREMY.”  
“Oh, shit, i’m pathetic compared to that. I only realised I liked you, like, a month ago.”  
“I cannot believe you haven’t guessed, you are literally the most oblivious person ever, anyway why are we just talking? Wait, I’m not sure what we are now, I, c-can we-”  
Jeremy cut him off. “Yes.”  
“Yes what?”  
“Yes this.” Jeremy leaned in and kissed him.

**Author's Note:**

> i ship eren x armin leave me alone


End file.
